This thread is totally pointless.

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Let's tell a story, one sentence/paragraph at a time.

Once upon a time, there was a dog.
The dog was called Charly and he loved to pee on three feet.
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One day, the feet became enraged with Charlie and conspired to attack him.
However the man who the feet were attached disagreed with the idea.
So the three-legged man took control of his feet and bought a friend for Charlie, Chaplin the cat, in hopes that Charlie's peeing problem is the symptom of a need for affection, which the three-legged man could not provide due to depression surrounding recent financial and marital troubles.
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Unfortunately, to buy Chaplin the cat, the man's financial troubles acted up again and he had to sell his house. After this, he was very cold.
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His last wife, who was originally blind but had regained her sight after a successful operation, left the man when she realised that when he said that he had a third leg, he meant it literally.
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This depressed the man so much that he kicked Chaplin with the third leg his wife so despised. This enraged Charlie, who was getting affection from Chaplin (which could not be provided by the man due to depression surrounding recent financial and marital troubles), and Charlie peed on the three legs as revenge. And so, the three-legged-man was back to square one.
Midwinter nights were cold, and lonesome. Poor Charly and Chaplin have long since been killed and eaten. Charlie even contemplated eating his third leg, but couldn't decide which one it was.
Luckily, Charlie found a hobo named Jim-bob who was willing to share his cardboard box, so that kept the snow out.
One day, Jim-Bob, who was alternatively known as Captain Lucretius of Anthenor, invited a visitor into their cardboard box. This man introduced himself to Charlie as The Great Captain of the West, and he had an important tale to tell.
The Great Captain of the West was so important, and his tale of such magnitude, that the man had coffee! He shared a sip of the glorious drink with Jim-Bob and the three-legged-man (who didn't remember his own name out of grief at this point), and then began to talk.
The Great Captain told the man that his great-grandfather had been King of Anthenor, that his real name was Erasmus Xerxes Thessalius Rhadamanthys Alexandros Lucius Eurystheus Gaius the Third (or EXTRA LEG for short), and that he was heir to the throne of Anthenor.
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The Captain told tales of how EXTRA had performed a miraculous evacuation when his cardboard castle in Los Angeles was attacked, saving all four of the squatters there from the terrible fate they would surely have suffered at the hands of the evil king, Linus Englebert Geoffrey Charles Hubert Owen Prometheus Prascant Evan Robert (or LEG CHOPPER). Together, the Captain said, EXTRA and the Captain could retake the castle.
For some reason, the Great Captain neglected to explain why EXTRA (who had requested that the others henceforth refer to him as Steve) didn't already know of his own exploits.
Steve didn't ask, however, for fear of not getting more coffee. This whole time, Captain Lucretius of Anthenor was very quiet, pondering.
Meanwhile, the illegitimate king of Anthenor, King LEG CHOPPER, had just been informed of the escape of the Great Captain and his quest to raise an army to liberate Anthenor.
Naturally skeptical, King LEG CHOPPER dispatched only one knight, a hobo named Jack, to go and scout this "army." Jack, of course, had one leg, and so he rode a modified unicycle.
Back in the Province of Legaloria, Lucretius, Steve and the Great Captain were trying to raise an army. Unfortunately, they had not had much luck, as they had only managed to recruit a single woman, named Sarah Ann Virgil Iris O'Reilly. However, Sarah was widely regarded as the greatest warrior in all of Legaloria, having gained the title by defeating an entire battalion of the New Anthenorian Army single-handedly.
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... but it wasn't long until SAVIOR would be committed to oversee the kitchen, to help cure her feminism.
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