Paid Tester Wanted

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Here at the Humane Medical Society we have recently developed a new lethal injection and are in need of test subjects, preferably human. You will receive $50 per injection, and double if the injection works. If you are retarded interested, please contact me for more information. We also have some (a lot) of paperwork for you to fill out when you come as well.
ModShop wrote:
Here at the Humane Medical Society we have recently developed a new lethal injection and are in need of test subjects, preferably human. You will receive $50 per injection, and double if the injection works. If you are retarded interested, please contact me for more information. We also have some (a lot) of paperwork for you to fill out when you come as well.
So, you give me an injection, $50, and if whatever I inject dies, I get another $50?

Do you have any in ant-size?
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Of course we do. We sent researchers to many veterinarian clinics all over the country and discovered that people bringing in sick ants from their ant farms to get euthanized was actually very common. Due to the complex exoskeleton of an ant, we also developed a tiny drill to create a small hole for the needle to go through, in order not to cause the ant any pain.
closed account (o1vk4iN6)
Can't tell if serious, but I need $100 so...
ModShop wrote:
Of course we do. We sent researchers to many veterinarian clinics all over the country and discovered that people bringing in sick ants from their ant farms to get euthanized was actually very common. Due to the complex exoskeleton of an ant, we also developed a tiny drill to create a small hole for the needle to go through, in order not to cause the ant any pain.
I'm interested. I'll have my lawyer request the paperwork after 3 work days. I'll be wearing a reinforced steel suit to protect me from ant bites.
This smells fishy, even to me. What guarantee do I have that it works?
I'm interested. Are there any side effects?
You can ask my friend Tony to have his AI run some tests on it. He's the guy getting me the suit.
Catfish3 wrote:
What guarantee do I have that it works?


Our physicians carry the shots... and hand guns. Don't worry, we got you covered.

ResidentBiscuit wrote:
I'm interested. Are there any side effects?


Only a few minor things; loss of life, ceasing to live, not breathing, no longer alive, shot by doctor with gun and occasionally death.

@L B: Does Tony have any other extralegal services that we could use?
This sounds fishy. shouldn't we pay you for this lovely experience? (PS: I just want to be sure I am getting the real deal here)
When our product is released to they public, you will get a chance to pay then. Now we are in the Beta stage and are just enticing people to come test our product for us. But if you insist, I suppose we could compromise by killing you for free instead.
As long as my life insurance company knows that I had nothing to do with my death injection, then I am all for getting the $500 000 payout. Are you open on Sundays?
Of course! We're always ready to kill people no matter what day it is. Unfortunately, however, we ran out of injections for humans due to high demand. If you would like, we could substitute your injection with an elephant injection. It should kill you just the same ;)
Shut up and take my money!!
Can I pre-order for family and friends?
Yes you can! Pre-order now and receive the Bullet to The Head treatment after the injection as an additional bonus. Limit one per person.
Damn, one should be able to order a Double-Tap!!
Are you worth three bullets?

Edit: was meant to sound like a slogan, not an attack.
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I didn't mean me ..... Double means 2, I thought.

What about a boot up the ass, to send someone into orbit around Jupiter? I know a few people oxygen thieves who need that. Can you add that to the menu?

Slogans & Cliches until the cows come home on this thread I think.
Oxygen thief's, HA! I like that one.

After extensive research, we found that a boot up the ass is completely inhuman. We replaced that treatment with submersion in a vat of acid instead. Also, we cannot send people to Jupiter. Rather, we send them to the Sun or a black hole. Much more feasible that way.
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