I was suspecting our troll was reading this topic once I noticed the red backgrounds, didn't even need to read that @Zereo :D
@Superpiccle, Don't worry, if your post is reported from a serious user like us, it will get deleted. If you see a report like these, it's a troll.
So, just don't worry, nothing will happen.
About the topic, the only thing I can say to you about VALVe (my favourite developers team) is that they don't research programmers, but mappers/modelers instead.
So if you bought some Source Engine games and are good with the Source SDK, you can try to appy to them here:
You can also try to apply for the Anti-Cheat section, I feel they urge some really really active developers in that section, due to the count of cheats on Source Engine games.
Cannot say much more even if I've found myself in a situation like yours.
Another tip: They will require good knowledge of English.
Also, can you list somethings you can do with the C++ language features?
Not exactly program examples... Like, I know these features:
If you don't know at least the Classes, Overloading, Operators and Virtual Classes, you should learn them before trying to apply.
Another little tip again:
Many companies give applicants some little programming tests.