PPD! There's been a murder!

[QWERTYman]

#include <iostream>
using namespace std;

int main()
{
bool a = true;
int Kills = 0;
cout << "Hello World! My name is Mr. Jones! \n";
system("pause");
do{
cout << "DON'T PRESS MY KEYS! It hurts...\n";
system("pause");
cout << "Ouch!\n";
system("pause");
cout << "Auugh!\n";
system("pause");
cout << "Unngh...please stop...you there...system(\"pause\"), shut up...\n";
system("pause");
cout << "Oghh...*collapse*\n";
system("pause");
  Kills++;
system("cls");
if(Kills == 1)
  cout << "You there! Stop! PPD! Program Police Department! You have killed a person!\n";
else
  cout << "You there! Stop! PPD! Program Police Department! You have killed " << Kills << " people!\n";
system("pause");
if(Kills == 3)
  {
  cout << "Hah! I am immune to key-pressing!\n";
  a = false;
  }
}while (a);
  cout << "You have been captured and hanged. HAHAHAHA!\nPress ENTER to continue...";
  cin.get();
  return 0;
}

I know, system("pause") and ("cls") are no-nos, but without it, the program loses its hilarosity, so NYEH!

[Duthomhas]

I still say curses is a cleaner solution.

// ouch.cpp

#include <cctype>
#include <string>

#include <curses.h>

struct console_t
  {
  console_t()
    {
    initscr();
    raw();
    (void)noecho();
    nonl();
    intrflush( stdscr, FALSE );
    (void)keypad( stdscr, TRUE );
    curs_set( 0 );
    }
  ~console_t()
    {
    endwin();
    }
  };

const char* messages[ 3 ] =
  {
  "Press the 'any' key...",
  "\n\rAck! Not that one! Try again.",
  "\n\rWoah! Watch it! Press the ANY key!"
  };

int main()
  {
  using namespace std;
  console_t console;

  char keys[ 4 ];

  for (int i = 0; i < 3; i++)
    {
    addstr( (char*)(::messages[ i ]) );
    keys[ i ] = toupper( getch() );
    }
  keys[ 3 ] = '\0';

  if (string( "ANY" ) == keys)
    addstr( (char*)"\n\rFinally! Thank you.\n\r" );
  else
    addstr( (char*)"\n\rOh forget it!\n\r" );

  move( 10, 0 );
  addstr( (char*)"Press any key to quit. (Seriously this time.)" );
  getch(); 

  return 0;
  }

// end ouch.cpp 

Compiles on Win32, *nix, Mac OSX, Amiga, SNES, etc.

On my XP box using GCC:

g++ -Wall -pedantic -o ouch ouch.cpp -lpdcurses

On linux using GCC:

g++ -Wall -pedantic -o ouch ouch.cpp -lncurses

Enjoy!