Jokes on You

[Script Coder]

Well I feel we haven't told a joke or two in a while.

Joke #1:
So Bob is crossing the boarder from and unnamed country into another unnamed country illegally. While crawling through the barbed wire fence he gets stuck. A while later a patrolling officer finds him ans asks: "Sir, do you have a visa?"
The man thinks a while and replies: "No sir, Mastercard".

Joke #2:
How many Computer Scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.

[N36fSL3A]

The first joke went right over my head.

[Albatross]

Day One: Garry's Incident.

-Albatross

[sargon94]

Day One: Garry's Incident

I see what you did there ^-^

[Catfish666]

Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They won't. They'll leave it for backward compatibility.

[LB]

Lumpkin wrote:

The first joke went right over my head.

Think credit card vendors.

[N36fSL3A]

I know they're card vendors but I'm still trying to get the jok-

Oh wait... that joke was horrible.

[IWishIKnew]

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”

very long pause….

“Java.”

:-o

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

My favorite one:

"Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"

Inheritance

[IWishIKnew]

Here is some obfuscated code (that apparently actually works!!):

char*lie;
    double time, me= !0XFACE,
    not; int rested,   get, out;
    main(ly, die) char ly, **die ;{
        signed char lotte,


dear; (char)lotte--;
    for(get= !me;; not){
    1 -  out & out ;lie;{
    char lotte, my= dear,
    **let= !!me *!not+ ++die;
        (char*)(lie=


"The gloves are OFF this time, I detest you, snot\n\0sed GEEK!");
    do {not= *lie++ & 0xF00L* !me;
    #define love (char*)lie -
    love 1s *!(not= atoi(let
    [get -me?
        (char)lotte-


(char)lotte: my- *love -
    'I'  -  *love -  'U' -
    'I'  -  (long)  - 4 - 'U' ])- !!
    (time  =out=  'a'));} while( my - dear
    && 'I'-1l  -get-  'a'); break;}}
        (char)*lie++;


(char)*lie++, (char)*lie++; hell:0, (char)*lie;
    get *out* (short)ly   -0-'R'-  get- 'a'^rested;
    do {auto*eroticism,
    that; puts(*( out
        - 'c'
-('P'-'S') +die+ -2 ));}while(!"you're at it");


for (*((char*)&lotte)^=
    (char)lotte; (love ly) [(char)++lotte+
    !!0xBABE];){ if ('I' -lie[ 2 +(char)lotte]){ 'I'-1l ***die; }

    else{ if ('I' * get *out* ('I'-1l **die[ 2 ])) *((char*)&lotte) -=
    '4' - ('I'-1l); not; for(get=!
get; !out; (char)*lie  &  0xD0- !not) return!!
    (char)lotte;}


(char)lotte;
    do{ not* putchar(lie [out
    *!not* !!me +(char)lotte]);
    not; for(;!'a';);}while(
        love (char*)lie);{

register this; switch( (char)lie
    [(char)lotte] -1s *!out) {
    char*les, get= 0xFF, my; case' ':
    *((char*)&lotte) += 15; !not +(char)*lie*'s';
    this +1s+ not; default: 0xF +(char*)lie;}}}
    get - !out;
    if (not--)
    goto hell;
        exit( (char)lotte);}

(http://www0.us.ioccc.org/1990/westley.c)

[N36fSL3A]

Hey guys... I woke up today and I felt thirsty so then I bought a drink at the store and I wasn't thirsty anymore.

[Script Coder]

Albatross wrote:

Day One: Garry's Incident.

I missed how that is funny? :|

@IWishIKnew
That second post was quite good.

I have another:

A biologist, physicist and mathematician are sitting in a coffee shop across a very fancy house. They see a man enter the building. A xkcd discussions later and they see two men emerge from the house.
The biologist says: "He has asexually reproduced."
The physicist says: "There is an anomaly."
The mathematician says: "If exactly one more person enters the house it will be empty."

[LB]

@Albatross: The programmer says: "There is a memory leak."

[Dy7SLyTq]

the mandatory stackoverflow link http://stackoverflow.com/questions/234075/what-is-your-best-programmer-joke
if you scroll down there is a funny one with a picture of a bug

[Catfish666]

- Knock, knock!
- Who's
- C++ exception!

[Script Coder]

I laughed so hard at this one:

It's been said that if you play a windows CD backwards, you'll hear satanic chanting...worse still if you play it forwards, it installs windows.

[TwilightSpectre]

Whenever I see someone posting about random number functions not working, I always think of this one: (I think its from xkcd, but I'm not sure: A friend told me about it)

int getRandomNumber(int seed) {
    return 4;
    // Guaranteed random number, determined by
    // a non-rigged dice roll
}

[LB]

@DTSCode that image has existed for years and has circulated the internet billions of times. My dad showed it to me when I was only 10.

[Dy7SLyTq]

@scriptcoder: lol i saw the same thing with a nickelback song
@LB: Ive seen the one NT3 did everywhere. but that doesnt mean everyone else had. i hadnt seen the pic until last night and found it funny