What's the difference between a duck?
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Q: How many Stroustrups does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hvorfor ændre? Når du kan tilføje?!
A: Hvorfor ændre? Når du kan tilføje?!
Wow, I've never heard the non-traditional joke before. I'm still wiping the tears out of my eyes. Thanks Grey Wolf and DTSCode!
I admit I'm not a very good joke teller, let alone good for making them up.
When I was a kid I made up this one:
"ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ... <insert as many 'ribbit's as speaker will tolerate here> ..., ribbit, croak."
I'm sure it's been done before.
At school when the kids get angry when someone insults their momma, I have to remind them that they can't let other people control their reactions by saying stupid things. And I make fun of momma jokes with,
"Oh! Yeah? Well... well, yo momma so fat, she don' ride the bus, the bus ride her!"
Alas, those are both fairly traditional jokes, though.
[edit] Ah, I don't like crude humor though... a lot <link>'s is, unfortunately.
I admit I'm not a very good joke teller, let alone good for making them up.
When I was a kid I made up this one:
"ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ... <insert as many 'ribbit's as speaker will tolerate here> ..., ribbit, croak."
I'm sure it's been done before.
At school when the kids get angry when someone insults their momma, I have to remind them that they can't let other people control their reactions by saying stupid things. And I make fun of momma jokes with,
"Oh! Yeah? Well... well, yo momma so fat, she don' ride the bus, the bus ride her!"
Alas, those are both fairly traditional jokes, though.
[edit] Ah, I don't like crude humor though... a lot <link>'s is, unfortunately.
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Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?
Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Perhaps tell only future known impossible us universe.
Perhaps tell only future known impossible us universe.
closed account (jwkNwA7f)
Why do they call a horse a horse?
They speak English.
What did one lawyer say to the other?
We're both lawyers.
They speak English.
What did one lawyer say to the other?
We're both lawyers.
closed account (N36fSL3A)
| "Oh! Yeah? Well... well, yo momma so fat, she don' ride the bus, the bus ride her!" |
closed account (jwkNwA7f)
@Fred An average sized person will ride a bus because it is a lot bigger then them. But the momma is way bigger than the bus, so the bus rides her.
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Moo.
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Moo.
I find it kind of funny that people often don't realize that "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side." is already an anti-joke, it doesn't need any more anti-ness added to it.
closed account (N36fSL3A)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He came home early from work to see a last glimpse of his kids, he and his wife recently had a divorce and the children were signed to her.
He came home early from work to see a last glimpse of his kids, he and his wife recently had a divorce and the children were signed to her.
closed account (jwkNwA7f)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the opossum that it could be done.
To prove to the opossum that it could be done.
Man... I hate my job. My coworkers all suck. There's this total douchebag jock who's constantly bossing everyone around like he's the boss or something. Really gets on my nerves. Then there's this completely useless girl...seriously, not only does she contribute nothing to the work, but she screws up so often it actually sets us back. The only reason she's there is because she's pretty. Then there's this OTHER girl who is totally unkempt. I swear I'm not sure if she even bathes. On top of that she has this nagging 'matter of fact' tone which totally gets under my skin. Last but not least there's a dog. Yeah... a dog. But not just any dog... this dog is huge... and he's constantly begging for food. Moans ALL THE TIME... I don't know if he's trying to talk like a person or if his stomach is chronically upset. Worst... work environment... ever.
So yeah... we drive around in a van and solve mysteries and shit.
So yeah... we drive around in a van and solve mysteries and shit.
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Look, y'all. I've had chickens. City folk ask why the chicken crossed the road because they assume too much.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it's too stupid not to.
Well, the actual reason is because it thinks it'll find something it wants on the other side of the road, and it wants to explore. And once it finds something, it'll keep going back. Even when you live on a 50-mph road and you've got people honking at you from the road to come get yer stupid bird out of the way.
I'm actually surprised not more people just run them over. 'Course, the smart chickens are happy in their yard with all their toys and dirt and scratching stuff and pen and food and water and completely random places to lay eggs. At four in the morning. Have you ever heard a chicken lay an egg? You'd think it was dying.
Of course... when they actually are dying (because there's a predator that broke in) they all shut up and you sleep through it all....
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it's too stupid not to.
Well, the actual reason is because it thinks it'll find something it wants on the other side of the road, and it wants to explore. And once it finds something, it'll keep going back. Even when you live on a 50-mph road and you've got people honking at you from the road to come get yer stupid bird out of the way.
I'm actually surprised not more people just run them over. 'Course, the smart chickens are happy in their yard with all their toys and dirt and scratching stuff and pen and food and water and completely random places to lay eggs. At four in the morning. Have you ever heard a chicken lay an egg? You'd think it was dying.
Of course... when they actually are dying (because there's a predator that broke in) they all shut up and you sleep through it all....
A duck? http://www.ysbl.york.ac.uk/~cowtan/fourier/magic.html
Depends on the phase of the moon. Anti or not, that is actually one of the earliest things that I've stumbled on the inet.
Depends on the phase of the moon. Anti or not, that is actually one of the earliest things that I've stumbled on the inet.
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A guy walks into a bar. He's a business man with his tie loosened and top button undone.
He sits down and orders a double. He looks down at his glass... let's own a long sigh... then starts weeping because he hates his life and his marriage is in shambles.
He sits down and orders a double. He looks down at his glass... let's own a long sigh... then starts weeping because he hates his life and his marriage is in shambles.
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