Computer Geek Jokes

[Dy7SLyTq]

in what case would a forced apt-get update be bad? (i know you said it kills kde3 but why would it do that)?

[Austin J]

Here's one that isn't really a joke, but still makes me laugh because of how stupid it shows the person is. Our Spanish teacher got breast cancer (really sucks, but they're pretty sure she'll be fine) and had to step out for the rest of the year. Our substitute is absolutely horrendous! I tend to finish my work fast, so after getting done, I started reading up on some c++. She comes over,

Oh you're in programming huh?

I said

Yeah! Are you to?

She responds with a list,

Yeah, I did Cobol, Prolog, and Fortran

I could tell she did those languages in college, and couldn't remember anything. (Do colleges even offer Cobol anymore?) I told her

Yeah, I'm doing c++, it's not as old as those, but it's still pretty mature

Then guess what she says? Guess what genius sentence comes out of her mouth?

Oh yeah it's a young language, it's from Cobol

I felt like banging my head against the table. I mean come on folks!? It's one thing if you just acknowledge you don't know anything about programming, but this lady acts like a know-it-all with electronics, when really she's never known much, and what she does is dino-tech. I simply responded

No, it wasn't, there's a reason it used to be called 'C with classes'

[Catfish3]

One of my all-time favorites.

*** NEWS FLASH ***

Archeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur skeleton! Many Digital users fear that RSX-11M may be even more primitive than DEC admits. Price adjustments at 11:00.

[Catfish3]

Several students were asked to prove that all odd integers are prime.

The first student to try to do this was a math student. "Hmmm... Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and by induction, we have that all the odd integers are prime."

The second student to try was a man of physics who commented, "I'm not sure of the validity of your proof, but I think I'll try to prove it by experiment." He continues, "Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... uh, 9 is... uh, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it seems that you're right."

The third student to try it was the engineering student, who responded, "Well, to be honest, actually, I'm not sure of your answer either. Let's see... 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... uh, 9 is... well, if you approximate, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it does seem right."

Not to be outdone, the computer science student comes along and says "Well, you two sort've got the right idea, but you'll end up taking too long! I've just whipped up a program to REALLY go and prove it." He goes over to his terminal and runs his program. Reading the output on the screen he says, "1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime..."

[chrisname]

@DTSCode
It's a joke on how apt-get upgrade can sometimes malfunction and mess up your system. I've only had it when trying to upgrade to a new version though.

@Catfish
1 isn't prime. And what about 2? Primes are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, ...

[LB]

@chrisname they were asked to prove that all odd numbers were prime ;)

[Catfish3]

@ chrisname: not original content, and I suspect it's a more subtle part of the joke. ;)

[LB]

"How do you do that all day?"
"I don't know, it's closed source."

"Young man, are you aware that you failed your test?"
"Wait, I thought 0 meant success!"

"Dad, where did mom go when she died?"
"Well son, she was set as free."

"Won't don't you ever clean up after yourself?"
"Because the garbage collector does it for me."

"Why do people make graffiti?"
"Because they don't believe in const-correctness."

"Why do some languages just create new instances of object instead of changing the old ones?"
"Because their inventors believed in consumer societies."

"Dad, what's infinite recursion?"
"Uh, ask your mother."
"Mom, what's infinite recursion?"
"Uh, ask your dad."

"How many licks does it take to get to the center?"
"Well, a naive approach would be to simulate it for every size and lick strength, but using heuristics and dynamic programming you can simplify it to O(1) time with an equation."

"Write a program to calculate prime numbers."
"Wouldn't it just print every number before 30?"

"What will we do when the end of time comes?"
"We'll switch to 64 bit."

Why wouldn't the conspiracy theorist trust the computer?
Because he thought the driver crash was no accident.

(Made these all up on the spot)

[Catfish3]

The const pointer's greatest dilemma: which one of them am I?

[LB]

@Catfish Could you explain that one to me?

[Catfish3]

Uhh... const int * vs int * const?

Lo an' behold! The joke is dead.

[LB]

int const *
int * const

Not really that hard when you abandon the idea of putting const first.

As for why I was confused, I thought you were talking about a constant pointer not being sure what it pointed to, not a pointer being confused as to whether it was const or a pointer to const.

[Catfish3]

... and LB proceeds, as expected, to desecrate the joke's dead body.

[Catfish3]

I'm still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
shoulders of giants.
		-- Isaac Newton

In the sciences, we are now uniquely priviledged to sit side by side with
the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
		-- Gerald Holton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on
my shoulders.
		-- Hal Abelson

Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders.
		-- Gauss

Mathemeticians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists
stand on each other's toes.
		-- Richard Hamming

It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders.  If
this is the case, then programmers stand on one another's toes, and
software engineers dig each other's graves.
		-- Unknown

[devonrevenge]

I'm still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie

In the film hackers they had a badass electro punk underground club.

secret brotherhood is the way to go.

or coding cult, we can target babes with soft malleable weak minds and sacrifice them to the gods of coding when we are done using them.

or you could start a band just as effective.

[Austin J]

Who are the gods of coding lol?

[Script Coder]

We are young Austin. Do as we say and you will become...Great!
XD

[Austin J]

Lol, yes oh great one.

[devonrevenge]

I found a physics groupie, is that close enough?

[Script Coder]

I do not think we will ever have a CS groupie, programmers are way too logical and competitive to blindly follow anything (well most).