Computer Geek Jokes

[Austin J]

A man begins touching a women in a way he shouldn't, he whispers in her ear "It's ok, I'm a friend class"

An impatient man becomes frustrated with his i7 as he feels his computer is going too slow. He yells "Hurry up for gods sake!" The i7 responds "Calm down, I can only do 4 things at a time!"

Parody to "Call me Maybe"
-----------------------
Hey you just wrote me
and this is crazy
but I'm a function
so call me maybe

Thought of the first 2 on my own, the third one was a funny YouTube comment on a C++ video about functions. What are some good ones you guys know?

[Cheraphy]

C++, where friends have access to your private members.

[Lachlan Easton]

@Cheraphy: I usually add the caveat "But your children don't"

[Cheraphy]

Relevant:

http://xkcd.com/138/
http://xkcd.com/371/
http://xkcd.com/676/

[z05DSL3A]

I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.

-----===#===-----

If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

[Catfish3]

From the fortunes collection.

Fred Brooks wrote:

Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer.

Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil.

Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet- trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise clear desks.

Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.

[devonrevenge]

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

Windows: Just another pane in the glass

C++ isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void

[LB]

C: you are given a choice between shooting yourself in the foot or using convoluted object-oriented design practices that only put a warning label on the trigger.

C++: you are given a choice between using object-oriented design practices or using convoluted low-level code designs that only put a warning label on your foot.

[z05DSL3A]

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

[devonrevenge]

what is it with shooting yourself in the foot?

[3qX21hU5]

Comes from posts like these devon

http://www.fullduplex.org/humor/2006/10/how-to-shoot-yourself-in-the-foot-in-any-programming-language/

Lol I like this one

You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

[LB]

In Java, it's impossible to shoot yourself in the foot, but you can still throw the bullet at it and cause a lot of pain and headaches.

[m4ster r0shi]

UNIX Russian Rulette (don't try it if you don't know what it does):

[ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm —rf / || echo "*Click*"

[LB]

So if we do know what it does, we are advised to try it? Without knowing what any of the syntax means, I'd say it just deletes a random directory/file with a 1 in 6 chance.

[m4ster r0shi]

So if we do know what it does, we are advised to try it?

No. Some may want to, though... The warning is there to protect the ignorant.

I'd say it just deletes a random directory/file with a 1 in 6 chance.

If run by an administrator, it deletes the root directory with a 1/6 chance.

Useful link -> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unix_directory_structure

[3qX21hU5]

Lol that is very dangerous roshi ;p

If I understand it right I believe it has a 1 in 6 chance to delete all the files on your machine. Though I am not that good with UNIX.

[LB]

@master roshi: Ah, yeah, I see that with the single slash - I just glanced at it before and took a guess.

[Catfish3]

Debian roulette (based on roshi's version):

[ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && apt-get --force-yes upgrade || echo "*Click*"

[LB]

What does that do? Revert the entire hard drive to the base installation?

[Catfish3]

@ LB: was just a joke; it's actually harmless 99% of the time, but it does have the potential to kill ones beloved KDE3.